The Hidden Step
www.necouncil.org/the
hidden
step
NOTE
:
Being persuasive does not describe someone who is controlling and
aggressive over the phone. You know the type, similar to a fast-speaking
salesperson who is only interested in getting the next sale. We all know
someone like that. That is not being persuasive, that is being annoying.
Although you may engage in activities where you are selling yourself
over the phone, people do not want to be sold. But people want to make
the right choice, knowing it was their decision. The most effective way
to get anyone to do anything is for that person to want to do it. Your
tone plays an important role during this process. This can be tracked to
one’s childhood. Children, who are told what to do by aggressive parents
against their will, grow up making a vow subconsciously not to be pres-
sured into doing anything when presented with that tone.
But most can recall a soft speaking grandparent who could get you to do
anything and make you feel great about doing it.
Tone of
voice has amazing powers
when it comes to defusing a tense
situation. Next time you fnd yourself in a situation
where someone is angry with you (maybe he/she is telling you a
thing or two using a loud and overpowering tone), lower your tone as
you speak. Allow the person to vent and completely state their concern.
Then repeat their concern with the same soft tone: “So what you are say-
ing is…” By repeating their concern, you are giving him/her the opportunity
to fully state his/her case. The higher his/her tone, the lower yours becomes;
then watch the magic at work. Within moments you will fnd something amaz-
ing. The other person begins modeling your tone, lowering his/her tone.
This occurs because in most interpersonal interactions, we tend to mirror
the other person. When you smile at someone, what does the other
person typically do? They tend to smile back. When you look
mean, they tend to model you as well.
preparation steps