The Hidden Step
www.necouncil.org/the
hidden
step
STEP ONE
ignite your inner fre
ingredient three - belief
Exercise #6
But inevitably they teach children to
focus on their failures giving themselves
too much negative feedback, a habit that
follows children into adulthood.
When I worked in the martial arts industry,
I witnessed both supportive parents who
encouraged their children by directing
their attention to their successes as well
as well-meaning parents who did not. I
recall one instance where a student named
Ryan who was naturally very bright and
talented, lacked the confdence to perform
the most elementary movements, although
he had practiced them for years. Watching
one class made it clear why.
As soon as Ryan walked in to start the
class, his mom sat down to watch him.
When Ryan moved, Mom was telling him
from the sidelines how to do it right. “No,
Ryan, block with the left, come on Ryan,
watch your stance, bend your knees, pay
attention to what you are doing Ryan.”
She looked so frustrated it made everyone
feel as nervous as she was.
The more Mom encouraged Ryan to pay
attention, the more Ryan seemed to forget.
Mom seemed to get increasingly frustrated
with every move. Drawing his attention to
his mistakes fed Ryan too much negative
information and restrained his brain from
functioning. His mind could not think, his
muscles could not perform. I am certain
his mom had the best of intentions. She
wanted Ryan to do well. However Ryan’s
focus was directed in every class on what
he was doing wrong instead of all the
things he was doing right.
You may wonder: but don’t you have to
be aware of your mistakes so that you do
not repeat them? This occurs automati-
cally. When we fail or make a mistake, our
mechanism is programmed to remind us
in the future. When you burn your hand
once, you do not have to remind yourself
again that touching it causes pain. You are
reminded of this automatically. When you
experience failure, thinking about it exces-
sively will send too much negative feed-
back.
We must learn to accept our past failures